Spunky Suzy Kolber

Monday Night Football to have no sideline reporters as ESPN keeps trying to make their package with the NFL work.

by Mike Zimmer

This one came from www.profootballtalk.com yesterday and festered into a bigger story as it seems Bristol is awash with disgust and angst over the axing of a pair of female broadcasters on their coverage of the NFL’s Monday Night Football.

Since ESPN came to hold the rights to the broadcast, it has been an uncomfortable and costly production and the boys in Bristol are scrambling to try and make their billion dollar deal work.  As stated, www.profootballtalk.com has routinely fileted ESPN and their deal and has sources within the company.  While this is no major big deal to most fans of MNF (other than us that have this strange attraction to the spunky Suzy Kolber) as the sideline reporter’s job on that production has been limited, it is a big deal in general as the production makes another change in direction to get better.  The thing is, they can’t fix what’s wrong with the broadcast until they actually work on what’s broken.  First, they need to go to the NFL and scream and holler for some decent games as their deal, costing much more than NBC’s for Sunday Night Football is full of duds from seasons start to seasons end.  They’re in serious need of the “flex” scheduling that NBC has to get better games especially late in the year when it matters most and we’re all watching.

Second, they need to just show us good football coverage and not do all the crap that is detracting from the game such as have in-booth visits from celebs and stupid shit like that.  How tiring is it that during a match up between the (1-6) Falcons and (2-5) Panthers that you have to see John Fucking Bon Jovi AGAIN (on his third network of the day no less) just because he was in Atlanta to eat at the Varsity?  Though, I’d pay to hear Jimmy Kimmel do a game from time to time, especially if he had Joe Theisman to taunt all game.  Or how about hack the stupid bits where they talk to someone important via the phone like Jerry Jones in Dallas, a day after he’s promised not to fire Wade Phillips?  If they’d cut out the shit and stop trying to harken back to when these things were novel concepts in the days of yore to include the irreplacable Howard Cosell, they’d be off to a good start. 

But, you need to start with Tony “Kornholer” Kornheiser who is abysmal and a real detraction from the broadcast.  Instead of placating this un-funny, un-entertaining, dead-weight, just admit you were wrong and boot him back to his stupid show where he puts cardboard masks in front of his face and gives lame schtick.  How and why they thought this guy would be a good addition and the likes of a Dennis Miller wouldn’t be is a mess to me.  It makes as much sense to me to have Dennis Miller as Kornheiser, as they both have no business in the booth of an NFL football game unless it was being shown on Comedy Central or A and E.  To make the story even more odd that they would wack Suzy and Michelle Tafoya is, that apparenly Kornheiser had an issue with Kolber.  How on earth do you have a problem with Spunky Suzy?  She looks like a cool enough chick doesn’t she?  Squinty eyes and all.  Further, how can you do that to a pregnant Suzy Kolber?  Huh?  Single, spunky, pregnant Suzy!?!?! 

I think I just came to a new conclusion here.  I think they fired Suzy because she may be a lesbian!  I mean, it makes sense all of the sudden!  Short hair, athletic, smart, spunky and fits in with the guys but in a non-sexual spunky way, single and pregnant…I just blew my own mind!  I’m strangely attracted to a lesbian broadcaster!  Me and Joe Namath!!!

In all seriousness, the manouvers to boot Kolber and Tafoya are nothing big considering their insight and on-air pieces are somewhat shallow and or fluff.  Most of which is canned and pre-recorded, something that is getting out-dated too.  However, they aren’t what’s wrong with MNF.  Since it went to ESPN it’s been an abortion and it starts with the games themselves and then rest squarely on the joke that is Kornheiser.  Just give me competitive games that matter, Mike Tirico and Ron Jawarski and I’d be happy.  Now, if they really want to turn me on, then throw Bonnie Bernstein out there for shits and giggles too and I’ll watch.